I know I'm a procrastinator. I have some really cute pictures from Snowflake to put my blog, but have had a hard time functioning since we've been back home.
If you would have told me that my hardest time would be now when I'm back at home I wouldn't have believed it. I cried all the way to Payson and pretty much all that day when we came home. I don't know how to explain the way I felt. Kind of like I was panicking I felt like I was leaving my mom. I know that sounds crazy but being at her house made me feel close to her. I felt like I just wasn't ready to leave my dad yet, he has been such a good distraction and example to me. I guess it was just another step that made everything feel more final.
All and all we are doing good. My kids help keep me sane! They are all still having a hard time, I think they thought it wouldn't be so hard when we went home. I told them I think its good, it just shows us how much we loved her and depended on her. I have a good friend that it explained it to me like having a wound. She said just as it scabs over and you think it's almost healed something pulls the scab off and it's like a new wound again. I guess it's a pretty good analogy.
I promise this will be my last post of just me going on I know I like the pictures better to. Thanks again everyone for your prayers and kinds words.
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8 comments:
Char,
You keep posting whatever you are feeling. You are not rambling or boring or anything. It is so good to be able to hear how you guys are doing and to get a better feel of what you are going through and I truly believe that it will help you more in the long run instead of keeping it bottled up so spill your guts whenever you want! We love you.
I miss you so much sis, I really wish you didn't have to go home. It hasn't been the same with out you, dang it I have to cook now...lol Char you are an amazing person and mom is so proud of you, keep of the good work with your kiddos and come see us soon.
I love you!
Hang in there Charlee! I can't imagine how hard life must be for you and your family right now. Just remember how loved you are and how many people are praying for you all. I hope you will be able to feel comforted.
Char,
Your words and example are strengthening others. Many people are going through trials (big and small) and as we navigate through them it is such a blessing to be able to rely on others and from their strength. Sometimes it's just knowing that there are others enduring something bigger and continuing to go on and therefore, so can we!! (I hope that made sense). Please don't be afraid to share that with us. We draw from your strength!
Your so amazing and we continue to pray for you and your sweet family. We love you!
Hey Charlee, I saw your blog on someone else's and am so glad I found it. I was so sad to hear about your mom. My parents said the funeral was really nice. Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I can really feel what you are going through. It makes me want to appreciate everyday we have and those we love. I have great memories of your mom working at the school. Our prayers have been with your family.
Alicia
I hope you don't mind me stopping by, I was blogsurfing.:)...I am deeply sorry for your loss! I can certainly say that time doesn't heal that missing part in your heart...time just changes, however, because we are taught and I firmly believe in the Plan of Salvation, just knowing that, comforts me as it will and should comfort you. It's been 3 1/2 years since my husband passed away, 2 1/2yrs for my only sister, and only 5mos since my only brother past away and the feeling of loneliness and the heavy ache in your heart doesn't get any easier....you just have to have your moments,cry all you need to and than you focus on your loving children and being there wholeheartedly for them. I have a testimony of the veil so thin that our loved ones are always there, we just can't see them. The day my Tane was babtized last month, Bryce D and one of the Anzaldua boys was baptized the same time...a member of the Davenports family stopped me after the program ended and told me during the confirmation of Tane she heard 2 voices giving the confirmation and she couldn't figure out why there would be 2 voices, as the confirmation went on, it was mentioned that Tane's dad had passed away, than this family member figured out who the other voice was, as she told me this I just kinda looked at her with confusion and than her husband took her hand and my hand and said that she was blind! So, you see, you're mom is there with you comforting you through this and I can tell she was an amazing mom as you are too! I can listen if you ever want to talk...:)...
Charlee:
We sure miss you guys! Our backyards haven't been the same since you've gone home! Hurry back, and keep on blogging your feelings! We need it just as much as you do!
Charlee,
I can understand how hard it is to leave your dad at home alone. I lived in the valley when me dad died I made it through the funeral fine but the hard part came when I had to return home and leave my mom. It was then that it hit me, that all of it did happen and that the next time I came home my dad would no longer be there. It was hard for a long time to even come home, didn't want to face reality. But we all have to right, anyways things DO get easier, you'll always miss her, but she is in a better place.
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